Sunday, April 14, 2013

sunday sob story with a not so sobby ending

Sundays, I'm finding, are hard. As the hours in the day slip by, I feel an anxiety grip my heart. Each hour that passes, the grip tightens. Mostly I hate that there's a looming "goodbye" that I'll say to Sofia in the morning. I worry about the drive to daycare - and whisper a prayer to keep my two loves safe. I worry that she won't get the attention she needs from her teachers at school - and whisper a prayer for the teachers, that they would be intentional and present in their time with Sofi. I worry that one day Sofia will ask me why I chose to work instead of stay home with her - and I whisper a prayer to hear God's plan for me so that I can do what He wants for my life instead of what I want. I worry that I'm missing precious moments in Sofi's life that I should be there for - and I whisper a prayer to not worry so much. But mostly I do it anyway.

And then there's the anxiety that comes from wondering what the work week will be like, and if I'll be able to keep up with what's asked of me. I wonder if I'll spend an hour doing something that should take me 15 minutes. I wonder if I'll make a mistake that is easily remedied but will cause me embarrassment. Or will I make a mistake that will take much more than a few emails and an apology to fix?

I keep hearing that this will all go away in a few months, but months seem like years right now. Taking one day at a time doesn't do me much good when all I can see are weeks at a time.

So as not to be completely depressing, I'll switch over to a brighter note. We enjoyed absolutely beautiful weather in Dallas this weekend. We had dinner with friends in the backyard on an old, rickety table that used to be Joa's kitchen table in college (I guess sometimes his hoarder ways pay off). Though the table is unsightly, I'm glad we remembered we had it so that we can enjoy a few more of those evenings before the unbearable Dallas heat descends upon us and drives us all inside. Score one for me for doing something on my spring to-do list! I need to get crackalackin' on doing those others in the few weeks I have to do them before summer.
Mah' boys.
Weekends are for photo shoots of Sofia in our house. Outtake 1.
Outtake 2

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